Gordon Edwards asked: Online dating services make it possible to find people you have never met before and probably would never meet without the help of the internet. A lot of communication may precede the meeting, but the meeting is “where it’s at.” It is through face-to-face encounter that you will know if your correspondent has been telling you the truth about their appearance and age. It is only through this firsthand experience that you will know whether you want to see them again or whether this person is a realistic relationship possibility for you. There is a lot riding on this meeting, so be careful to follow these guidelines.
Before:
o Guard your anonymity. Don’t be too hasty in giving out your last name, home address, home phone number, or your primary e-mail address. It’s a good idea to set up a special e-mail account (free accounts are available from Hotmail or Gmail) that is used only for internet dating contacts. When you agree on a first meeting, it is often a good idea to share cell phone numbers in case one of you is going to be late or has difficulty finding the meeting place.
o Beware of false intimacy. Sometimes it is easy to be charmed by e-mail exchanges or telephone calls into sharing too much information too soon. It is nice to feel a good connection with someone, but remember that meeting them several times is what is needed before you really open up.
o Choose a convenient public meeting place. Make sure there are lots of people around. Make sure the meeting takes place in the day time. The best time is afternoons for lunch or maybe a coffee date. Choose restaurants or coffee shops rather than bars. Make sure the environment is convenient for conversation.
During:
o Dress appropriately. This may seem like a no-brainer. Your manner of dress conveys how considerate you are of the other person and the kind of impression you want to make. Most of the time you should dress casually. Wearing jeans and a t-shirt is usually too casual for people who are over 50.
o Put the other person at ease. Men need to be especially careful to behave in a manner that makes the woman feel comfortable.
o Be positive and light-hearted. No one wants to hear about the bad traits of a former mate when first meeting you. Focus on basic getting acquainted types of information rather than trying to go into details about previous relationships.
o Keep it reasonably short. If things are going well, don’t extend the conversation because there will be a temptation to say too much too soon. Don’t set an arbitrary length for the meeting, but leave wanting more and eager to meet again if the meeting is a positive experience.
After:
o Reserve your appraisal of the meeting until your communications afterward. If you have no desire for another meeting, courteously tell the other person that you don’t want to meet again and then terminate the connection through the internet service. This is when you will be glad that you did not share too much personal information. If, on the other hand, you would like to meet again, then share that information as well.
o If you want another meeting and the other person doesn’t, don’t take it personally. It takes two to make a relationship. Move on cheerfully to meet other people and keep seeking a mutually satisfying relationship.
o Don’t reveal your address or home telephone number until after the third meeting. By that time, you should have a good idea whether the other person is trustworthy.
Online dating will make possible a lot of first time meetings. Most of them will be pleasant experiences even if they don’t lead to a continued relationship.
Karen